And that is okay. Regretfully I will never be President... But thankfully for you guys, I will never be President. That shit looks hard. Especially the part where you have to eat sushi off naked ladies.
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| If she's ticklish... Shits about to get messy up in this bitch. |
I mean, if Julius Malema did it. How hard could it be right? Imagine being that girl, naked, eyes closed... Holding in a fart that could level a small Guatemalan Village. A little sweat mustache forming on your face, you start to whistle but as you do a tiny little phweep slips out. You clench shaking the table. A single piece of sushi can be heard thudding softly against the rough wooden finish... Silence... You squeak one eye open slowly to spot a table of onlookers staring down at you. Your eyes widen and you quickly sit up to find you have just given birth!
BOOM! Yea I bet you didn't see that coming. You sick individuals, we all know women don't fart. And you all know this is an actual show right? As in, this has happened enough times... To make a full on TV series about it!
Cashier: Would you like a bag ma'am?
Lady: No its ok
Cashier: So have you thought of a name yet? *nods over to the girls inflated belly*
Lady: A... Name? *peers down, then back up*
Cashier: For the baby!
Lady: Ooooh hahaha.. No, I'm not pregnant. I just went to all you can eat ribs awhile back and *pats belly*, it was never the same again.
<This dramatic reenactment works better if you remember this is shot in America... Probably at Walmart>
But back to woman not farting!
DOUBLE BOOM! They so do... I seem to have a talent for dating girls who feel the need to fart on me. Most while sleeping, occasionally while tickling them till they pass out. Sometimes even in the bath, like they think you wont notice a medley of bubbles conveniently rising up at the same time near there butt... And the fact that your citrus scented incense now smells like Shitrus.
So in closing, remember to always fart. Unless you're a lady, then always fart and say excuse me.
You are absolutely hysterical ... you have to be my daily read. First thing in the morning and last before leaving my dowdy place of work! Thank you for making my day a gloriously funny one. Nearly pee-ed in my pants. Oh my gawd. Absolutely luv ya! x
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you kind stranger! I will try my best to make sure those pee floodgates open uncontrollably next time! But please, clean up after yourself.. This is a family show after all *winks*
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