Wanted: Roommate

Dear World,

It has recently developed that I am in the market for a new roommate... The specifics as to why I need a new roommate are simple. I killed the last one for drinking my beer.

Now we have that out the way, let me tell you what you will be getting.


This majestic, 2 bedroom granny flat is situated in the lovely rolling hills of Westville. Atop a culdesac, with a guard always at his post near the entrance. Not always awake, but his snores are quite a deterrent believe me. The rent is incredibly low due to the pesky zombie infestation we have but fear not, the actual establishment also comes with a vicious attack hound trained and ready to viciously lick and love any unsuspecting intruder to the point of catatonicism. Her name is "Bear", her middle name is "The Destroyer", her last name is "Fluffykins".... I rest my case.

Oh and also she can fucking fly! (in very small bursts)

The rent is a measly R1800, which include lights and water and THIS GUY!

There are a few prerequisites before your application will be considered. Firstly anyone with Columbian ties, or who is a fan of Gareth Cliff... Get the fuck off my lawn.

Second, you need to be clean. I'm not just talking about the occasional shower to scrub the smell of homeless person off you. Keep the living area clean and free of anything that could be knocked over if saaaaaaaay someone was playing tag with their dog (and winning).

Kitchen and bathroom to be kept at least above "minor riot" status.

The place is pet friendly (as i previously stated.. attack hound.. duh) but if you have an animal that has been known to stray it better know some means of kung-fu, or at least be too adorable to eat. Don't say I didn't warn ya!

Besides that, ADSL internet is provided if you want to split the cost with me but not required if you are poor and don't enjoy streaming porn at high volume the way I do... Just kidding, I prefer Glee at full volume... Just kidding again... its still porn.

6 month minimum contract to be signed with 1 month notice required. A sense of humor and maybe even a few mental illnesses are beneficial, but not required.

If you are interested send me a message on Facebook or via my phone. Booking essential.