20 reasons why piercing your hand is a stupid fucking idea...

But why? Followed by a very confused look is the response I have gotten from every single person who has laid eyes on my new shiny hand additions. The response I give is always something different. One was "Well, it was either this or my dick... My dick doesn't hate me now so, wise choice I guess". Another was "I'm being hunted by the FBI. They were tracking me through an implant in my hand and these block the signal."... Yes that last one was to impress a girl. No, no it did not impress her.

The real reason I can not tell you, because in all fairness I didn't really think it through. I knew I wanted to get stabbed somewhere and figured "Yea that's gona look sweeeeeeeeet."

Which of course brings us to!

20 REASONS WHY PIERCING YOUR HAND IS A STUPID FUCKING IDEA

1. Did you enjoy lifting things before? Well, good luck doing it with ONE HANDED FROM NOW ON!

2. Brushing your teeth is now almost as awkward as the first time you had sex... Except it takes 10 times longer.

3. If you enjoyed using a Loofah as your chosen cleaning device. Be prepared to get stuck inside it repeatedly, while soap sears the flesh around your wounds. As you flail around in a little cubicle, weeping softly to yourself while you slam against the walls and wriggle your hand till it comes loose.... It never comes loose.

Exhibit A.

4. Left hand High 5 is now too dangerous

5. Clapping... No

6. Overhead clapping... No... But who does that anyway? *glares at the Christians in the room*

7. Fighting a bear unarmed is at least 6% harder

8. Remember when you were a kid and you went to the circus for the first time. That magical place with all its lights and amazement and people doing incredible things? Lion Tamer NO

9. Juggler... NO!

10. Trapeze? In your dreams princess.

11. In fact... Even going TO the circus is probably not a great idea, what if they call you in as a volunteer?

Ringmaster: And NOW! We shall call a volunteer! *crowd goes wild, except for you because you cant clap*

You: Ahhh, Jesus Christ

Ringmaster: Maybe yoooooooouuuuu little girl?

You: Yes, pick her, pick her!

Ringmaster: Or maybe yoooooooooouuuuuu ma'am?

You: YES... GO UP YOU LAZY GIT!

Ringmaster: It is decided.... YOU! *points directly at you*

You: Oh, uh, sorry... I just got my hand pierced and I cant really do much anymore *points to your hand*

Ringmaster: .....

You: .....

Ringmaster: .....

You: ..... It's really sore!

12. Putting up a tent

13. Masturbation with two hands

14. Rowing

15. Going through customs at an Airport and not looking suspicious

16. Being a good role model for anyone below 10 years of age

17. Explaining to anyone below 10 years of age why you got your hand pierced

18. Pushing.... Stuff

19. Pulling.... Stuff

20. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand... Climbing... Anything... Ever... If you ever find yourself trapped down a Well? Yea, you're staying down there.... Lassie wont even be able to save your pierced, dumb ass... Idiot.